Parenting: Making Hard Decisions ? Blog Brigade

Kelli

Last week my phone rang during my work day. The caller ID showed it was the elementary school. As a mother of many children, mostly boys, I face calls from the school with a mix of trepidation, fear, and anxiety.

Sometimes it?s a child with a ?headache.? Sometimes it?s a teacher with a ?headache,? namely one of my boys. And on rare occasions it?s a situation that requires me to actually put on pants and go out. Working from home means I can wear pajamas. Sometimes I wear my husband?s pajamas. They are way more comfortable for long periods of sitting and writing.? However, it?s not the best outfit to wear to the principal?s office.

I cautiously said ?hello?? It was the elementary school?s principal with my youngest son in his office. I was immediately on alert. This child, a secret agent in his spare time, is so sweet and good at school. Did his cover slip and his hidden ninja come out unexpectedly? Did he have one of his weapons on him? I had failed to pat him down before leaving the house that morning. I thought we were passed smuggling plastic weapons to school.

?I have Adam here in my office with me and you are on speaker phone right now,? the principal continued after the initial greeting. This must be worse than I thought. I?m on speaker phone. ?Adam has hit?? OH NO! He has come out of his shell. ?Adam has hit Independent Reader status in our reading program and we wanted to let you know. We are sending home a digital picture and it will also go on our school monitor. Before he goes back to class he?s going to sit down and read to me.?

Happy I could stay in my husband?s pajamas and thrilled Adam had not drawn blood, I was extremely exuberant. ?OH MY GOSH, ADAM! I?m so so so proud of you! That is wonderful! We will have cake! And presents, I?m getting you presents!? He had reached an important academic goal he?d been struggling to make.

This was actually an important moment for me as a parent as well as academically for Adam. It confirmed as parents we had made the right decision the previous year.

Adam is a June baby. I could have held him back from starting school for one more year. If he had been one of my first three children I probably would have. My decision to let him start school was based on several things. He had been so sad and bored at home once his older brother had started school. When you?re from a large loud family and left at home alone, a school day can be painfully long. Pre-K was not an option for us where we currently live, so he was stuck with me.

Also, I wanted the boys to be close together in school. They had been inseparable since the day Adam was born and the other four kids were all several years older.

And sadly, I had been waiting eighteen years to have all my children in school. Admittedly I was a little excited at the prospect of having a few hours alone.

Adam struggled through most of kindergarten, but by the end of the year he managed to be on grade level, so my worries subsided.

When first grade rolled around it became apparent he was having trouble. He just couldn?t seem to keep up. His teacher and I both began to be concerned there might be a processing issue, so a ?yellow folder? process was started. This would enable us to access other resources and tools to help Adam, and even move us toward testing if necessary. Halfway through that spring semester my husband and I made the difficult decision to have Adam held back.

I had many questions and I talked to a host of educators. I received great advice and people really helped me weigh the pros and cons of holding him back. In the end, as parents, we made the decision to buy Adam a little more time and have him repeat 1^st grade. My gut told me he just needed more time to mature.

Now my concern turned to Adam?s self esteem and how he would view our decision. He is undoubtedly highly intelligent and intuitive. I knew his acceptance of our decision would play a big part in his success the following year.

When we talked with Adam and told him our plans, his little face fell. He was more than aware of what this would mean. His classmates would be moving on without him and he would have to be in a class with the current kindergarten ?babies.?

This is what I told him, and in all honesty, it was the truth.

?Adam, mommy has made a huge mistake. We put you in the wrong grade. I had you start too early, but we are fixing that now. We are getting you in the right class so you will be where you are supposed to be.?

He pondered this for a minute and begrudgingly accepted our explanation. Several weeks later when I asked him how a friend from his previous class was he said somewhat disdainfully, ?Mom. She?s a second grader!?

As parents, we know our children best and sometimes the right decision is the hardest decision to make. We often doubt ourselves. Even ?experienced? parents such as my husband and I face new challenges with each child and often question the direction we need to go. And on occasion we make a mistake.

If parenting were a perfect science, there would be a manual. There?s not, and even if there was I would have lost it.

Adam no longer has a yellow folder and is progressing well. He has embraced his new group of friends, because after all, it was mom who messed up and now he?s right where he?s supposed to be.

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